


A Second's Tears

by yin13147



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Angst, Incest, M/M, One-Sided Attraction
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-12-03
Updated: 2013-12-03
Packaged: 2018-01-03 08:46:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1068458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yin13147/pseuds/yin13147
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They lost almost everything, but they still had each other. Now, they have everything but each other. It doesn't hurt any less, and only more.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Second's Tears

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [this doujinshi](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/31670) by a Pixiv artist. 



> So this is my first Shingeki no Kyojin fanfiction, and the couple it centers around is Levi x Eren no less. I did my best in this, and I hope you'll enjoy the first chapter.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own Shingeki no Kyojin or its characters, and I don't make any profit from writing this.

It’s taboo to love your own family romantically. Everyone knows that. But it doesn’t stop those people related by blood from engaging in relationships.

I envy them, who follow their hearts despite what society would think of them. They’re courageous, and passionate. They don’t give a fuck about what other people would think. Why can’t everyone just be like that?

Why can’t Eren—Dad, be like them?

Why do I have to spend these 16 years remembering everything from the past, from thousands of years ago? It’s hard to live every day, when visions from my previous life play in my mind like a video that will never end.

It hurts to remember that the one who was my lover from that time, is now my own father. Not adopted, but literally my father by blood.

Ever since I was born, I remember it all. When I used to be a thug. When I first joined the Scouting Legion. When the fall of Wall Maria occurred. When Eren Jaeger became a member too of the Scouting Legion. When we fought the Titan Shifters. Everything. Not one memory left out.

Yes, Eren and I were lovers in the past. I recall those times when we would smile and just share those simple but sweet moments together, when we’re not in the battlefield fighting Titans. It meant a lot to me during those times, and now they mean so much more.

The problem is that unlike before, when they would just give me this heartwarming feeling, now it gives me pain and anguish.

I have to be reminded all the time that Eren is as of this moment, my own father. I cannot love my own father that way.

I know that. But it doesn’t help in making these feelings go away. I can’t love him… but I know that no matter what I do, I’ll always love him.

Knowing this sin that I am holding, I curse myself. I just wish I would forget it all, so that we would be like a completely normal family, and I don’t have to feel any sorrow.

Too bad that fate isn’t kind.

****************

 “You’re 16?”

“Yeah.”

“Graduated middle school in Shikoku?”

“Yeah.”

“Living with only your dad?”

“Hm.”

“Where’s the mother?”

“She left even before I was born. I never got the chance to know her.”

“Ah.”

I made a friend on the first day of high school. An achievement, no doubt. The shocking part is, that friend is someone who I also know from the past.

Hanji Zoe. Still the same in the present, in appearance, personality, and name. It felt nice to see her again. But from her actions, she most likely doesn’t remember about the past either. At least she could live fresh without any loose ends.

“What about you? What are your interests?”

I’m guessing it would be…

“Science, no doubt!”

Just as I thought.

“Aside from that, I’m also fascinated with the mythological monsters and such. They’re not related to science, I know. But there’s just something about them that catches my interest.”

Yeah, it really is her. It gives this feeling of nostalgia. The difference is that now, I’m not so bothered with her likes when before, it used to nearly give the creeps almost every time. I was always adamant to avoid the stories she would tell about her experiments. Now, they didn’t seem that bad to listen as she started to go around a topic for the remaining time until the next teacher arrived.

It was just the first day, so there weren’t any lectures; just orientation. For the most part, the teachers were friendly. None of them were anyone who I knew in the past. It didn’t disappoint me anyway.

When the bell rang, I figured that was my cue in going home. Hanji wanted to walk me home, but she was busy with other things that aren’t school-related. I don’t mind. I’m used to walking home alone.

I recall Eren talking to me about it. He was worried that I don’t have much friends to hang out with during holidays or weekends. I told him once, that he was all I needed.

I didn’t receive a nice response though. During my younger years, because I remember everything, I pestered him again and again, telling him how we were lovers and how we were soldiers in the post.

But he doesn’t remember anything, so he just thinks I’m making this all up. It went on for a long while, until he told me that it was enough.

That reminded me that he would never love me the way I love him, and that things are different now. It hurts that no one has any idea how much it breaks me inside.

I wasn’t this much of a sap during the old times. Now though, it’s the only thing I have left.  

I opened the door, and no one was there. Eren—Dad, won’t be home until six. And it’s 4:45. Better take a quick shower before I start making dinner. So I did just that, and there’s twenty minutes left. Because I had no homework yet, I decided to turn on the television and watch the news. Nothing much happened today. No celebrity dying, no accident, no crime, no natural calamity.

And no titans either.

With a familiar clicking noise, I stood up.

“Hi, Dad.” I greeted, watching him take off his leather shoes by the doorstep before slightly loosening his tie.

“Hi, Levi. How’s your first day?” He sounded weary. His work would often exhaust him, no doubt.

“Good. I made a friend.”

I hate to admit it, but ever since I stopped bothering him with stuff about our past – which again, he doesn’t remember – we have been kind of distant. That didn’t mean we don’t care for each other.

We didn’t have much to talk about. He’s always so busy with work, that he has little time to spend any time with me like how other fathers would normally do for his sons. I know he’s working hard, and being a single father isn’t easy.

That didn’t make things any lighter for me though.

“Really? That’s… new.” He didn’t sound that much affected, but the surprise in his eyes spoke for itself.

“She’s a bit of a geek, but she’s a good person. Her stories are interesting.”

“Glad to hear that.” He groaned as he patted his stomach once.

“I made dinner.” I stated to make him feel a little better.

“Thanks.” He smiled for a moment before heading for the kitchen, and I followed suit. We are in peace, not talking about anything. The atmosphere wasn’t awkward though from the silence; we’re used to this.

I washed the plates as he watched the news -- which was still on until thirty minutes later. I sat beside him as our favourite show came out, but despite it being our favourite, we didn’t say much to each other.

I kept my distance from him on the couch, knowing that it would creep him out if I sit too close. I’m not a kid anymore.

And I promised I wouldn’t do anything anymore. I wouldn’t remind him about the old times.

“I hope you keep on making more friends, Levi. You’ll need them.” He said during a commercial break, looking at me with a soft look. Despite the purity in that expression, it pained me that he regarded what happened a few years ago as nothing now. It hurt because I was serious; it didn’t matter whether he remembered me or not.

“I know.” I smiled, but it was forced. Yet I had a lot of years to practice in making my forced smiles look completely natural.

“What about you? You don’t hang out with people much, not even your own workmates.” It was the only thing I could think of to distract myself, even just a little.

“I suppose. I’m just worried. The teachers always told me that you rarely socialize; you prefer being on your own all the time. I thought it would continue all the way to your adulthood.”

“You doubt me that much?” I half-joked with a bitter tone, but he missed that.

“No. Like I said I was just worried.” He assured while giving me a light pat on the shoulder. I wished his hand would stay there like that for longer.

“I know.” I repeated, putting off a nonchalant aura as the show went back on.

****************

Every midnight, there was something I would always do.

There weren’t any alarms to wake me up, to signal me. I’m so accustomed to this; I wake up on my own accord. I ignore how I felt so sluggish and slow as I walked out the room with steady footsteps, heading for the room next to mine.

Eren’s room.

Being discreet, I opened the door without making any noise, and there he was, lying still, completely on his back, with one hand on his abdomen and the other also perfectly flat on the bed.

Despite how tiring his days would be, he would always sleep with such a peaceful face. I find his face to be endearing, admiring it as I walked to the side of his bed where he was leaning closer to.

He’s already in his mid-thirties, yet he does such a remarkable job of keeping his features young and clear of any natural blemish one would get as he or she ages. I remembered him saying once that he was envied in work for being a baby face. His voice wasn’t that even deep compared to other men, but that didn’t make him less of a grown man.

Eren remains to be the handsome man he was in the past. I loved it and hated it at the same time.

Reaching out a hand, I traced my fingers softly along his cheekbones down to his jawline, trying to engrave the details of his face into my head like he would mine.

And soon enough, I leaned close, getting a closer look at his face. Even in the dark, the image of is still clear to me. I could see every invisible line on his face, and every single eyelash, and the texture of his lips.

When I pressed my own lips upon his, with a touch as gentle as a feather’s, I made a mental description of his lips as a little coarse, but mostly soft.

I also noted how the kiss felt so empty, because he isn’t aware of this, and because he most likely won’t reciprocate it if he is aware.

My eyes started to sting, straining to keep my tears from pouring out.

I wished he would remember. I really did.

At the same time, I also wished that I would forget it all. That I should never have been born with my memories.

****************

_A part of me would hurt when I wished for the latter. No matter how it stabbed me inside, they were still memories that I treasure, painful or not._

_Ah, how the world runs. But I can do nothing but silently cry at the corner of his bed, holding his hand for hopes that the warmth of his hand would eventually calm him down._

_“Eren?” I drawled, the laziness in my voice instantly fading away when I saw him shaking in his sleep, sweat drenching his forehead as he mumbled incomprehensible words._

_He was desperately grasping for my hand, like it was a lifeline._

_I wasn’t really good in these kinds of things, but I tried my best as I kissed his forehead, telling him in the calmest voice I could use. “Don’t be afraid.”_

****************

And yet right now, I’m so afraid. Every day, _I_ am afraid. 


End file.
